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Ariel Sheeger

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Sex Therapy for Intimacy Issues

When people desire to be in a relationship, they are not wanting or needing company or someone to do things with. Most people look for that perfect relationship because they want real, true intimacy in their life. But what is intimacy, really?

Intimacy is NOT the same thing as sex. You can have sex without intimacy.

Intimacy is TRUE and genuine closeness with another human being. It is a connection that is developed over time. While intimacy brings unparalleled joy into our lives, it can also feel incredibly frightening to some people. Because to be intimate means to open yourself up to another human being. It means showing up, flaws and all, and putting in the work.

Ultimately, intimacy is a wonderful byproduct of an emotional connection that has been built over time by two individuals who deeply love and respect each other.

What Does Fear of Intimacy Look Like?

While many people struggle with a fear of intimacy, not everyone knows the signs and symptoms, as they can be mistaken for other emotions.
People who fear intimacy often have low self-esteem and trust issues. They may experience episodes of anger from time to time and have a history of toxic relationships. Many avoid physical contact and are unable to easily share their feelings or express emotions.

How Therapy Can Help

There are a variety of reasons a person may experience fear of intimacy. From childhood trauma to low self-worth and fear of rejection, people from all walks of life, all ages, and all backgrounds have developed a fear of getting close to another person.

If you believe you have a fear of intimacy, sex therapy is a powerful tool that can help you work through any underlying causes. A therapist can help you identify the root of your trouble and help you weed it out. He or she can also help you heal from any past traumas so you can start to get close and connect with others.

The bottom line is, intimacy is a wonderful part of life. To miss out on it would be a tragic shame.

If you’d like to work with someone on your intimacy issues, please reach out to me. I can provide tools and techniques to help you develop a deeper connection with your partner and yourself.

 

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Knowing When to End a Relationship

Relationships can enrich our lives, but they can also cause damage. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or significant other, any relationship comes with its share of challenges. And more often than not, putting in the effort to resolve relational issues can and does result in a healthier bond.

But there are those relationships that, no matter the amount of work and goodwill put into them, will never bring a return on your time or heart investment. These relationships are toxic, and they need to be ended in order for you to heal and move on.

3 Signs the Relationship Needs to End

There are More Negative Interactions Than Positive Ones

Every relationship has its good interactions and its not-so-good ones. But there are those relationships that seem like every interaction is tense and filled with negative emotions. When communication becomes difficult or impossible, the relationship is beyond fixing.

Vastly Different Needs

In the beginning of a new friendship or romance, it’s easy to try and compromise with one another, making certain both person’s needs are being met. Over time, some friends or couples realize their needs are too different.

For instance, in a romantic couple, someone may need more sex than the other. Someone may need to always be in control or have a need to lie. These kinds of clashing needs are a red flag for any relationship.

A Blatant Lack of Respect

Respect is essential in relationships. But sometimes there are those individuals that seem incapable of respecting the other person, their needs, their boundaries, their wishes, etc. These people tend to be on the narcissistic spectrum and are incapable of having empathy or respect for others’ needs.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of signs, but these three are some of the most common and problematic signs.

Letting Go and Moving On

Once you know it is time to end the relationship, you may find that your head and heart waffle back and forth, wondering if you are making the right decision. This is why it’s always a good idea to have someone in your corner you can rely on to give you honest feedback, sound advice, and clarity.

Sometimes you can find this champion in your network of friends and family, but other times it might be best to find a totally neutral third party. Someone you never have to wonder whether they are “just saying that” because they love and care about me.

A therapist can help you navigate your intense emotions and make the best decision for your happiness and peace of mind.

If you are currently struggling in a relationship and would like some help navigating it, please reach out to me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

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What is Emotional Incest?

Many of us grew up in households that were dysfunctional, where boundaries between parents and adults were blurred in unhealthy ways. Emotional incest is not of a sexual nature, but it does describe unhealthy emotional interactions between adults and children that are psychologically inappropriate.

What this looks like in a real-life is a parent treating their child as a partner, relying on them for emotional support and care. Here are some of the classic ways parents cross this line:

Asking a Child for Advice

When a parent turns to their child for advice about marital issues, sexual problems, financial worries, etc. this blurs the boundaries and causes the child to feel anxiety they should not be privy to.

Ego Booster

Narcissistic parents often look to their children to give them a much-needed ego boost. With the parent’s ego being a priority, the child’s emotional needs take a backseat.

BFF Syndrome

A parent should never be best friends with their child as this results in many boundaries being blurred. And a child should never be a trusted confidante to their parent.

Therapist

Parents that turn to their child for comfort during an emotional crisis rob the child of learning age-appropriate socialization. These children will, most likely, grow into codependent adults, seeking approval from others by taking care of THEIR emotional needs.

Emotional Incest Outcomes

Emotional incest is sometimes called “covert” incest because while it’s not sexual, the outcomes of this family dynamic are often similar.

  • Trouble setting healthy boundaries
  • Eating disorders
  • Self-harm
  • Low self-esteem
  • Sexual intimacy issues
  • Substance abuse/addiction
  • Obsessive/compulsive issues

Healing from Emotional Incest

When a child grows up and leaves the unhealthy environment and dynamic, that does not mean they won’t experience any lasting repercussions. Most adults will suffer from at least one of the outcomes I just listed.

The good news is, through counseling, victims of emotional incest can heal and live a healthy and satisfying life filled with strong emotional connections.

If you believe you are suffering from lingering effects of emotional incest and would like to speak to someone who specializes in this area, please reach out to me.

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Affirmative Therapy for the LGBTQIA+ Community

People within the LGBTQIA+ community share many things in common outside of sexuality and identity. Many seek therapy for things like self-esteem concerns, anxiety, relationship issues, and more. Regardless of the reason, someone from the community might seek counseling, it is important that their therapist will be accepting and supportive.

What is LGBTQIA+ Affirmative Therapy?

LGBTQIA + Affirmative Therapy was developed to address the unique emotional and mental health needs of members of the LGBTQIA+ community. This therapy describes the acknowledgment and acceptance of an individual’s identity and sexual orientation. Therapists who offer affirmative therapy provide their LGBTQIA + clients a safe space to develop a healthy sense of self and strengthen their voice. 

Tenets Of LGBTQ + Affirmative Therapy

LGBTQIA+ Affirmative Therapy can help someone challenged with mental health issues navigate their life and choices in a more thoughtful and meaningful way. Here are some of the main tenets of LGBTQIA+ Affirmative Therapy:

Safe Spaces

The most important aspect of effective therapy is creating a safe space for the client to explore their emotions and heal any trauma. In LGBTQIA+ Affirmative Therapy, individuals are welcomed without any judgment or preconceived notions.

Finding a True Ally

Once a safe space and genuine trust have been established, an alliance can be fostered where the LGBTQIA+ individual feels they are supported and celebrated.

 

What is the Best Way to Find an LGBTQIA+ Affirmative Therapist?

If you would like to work with a trained LGBTQ + Affirmative therapist, there are several steps you can take to find one:

  • Ask a friend or acquaintance for a referral
  • As for a referral from a well-known LGBTQ + organization
  • Do a Google search specifically using the term LGBTQ + Affirmative Therapy

Make a list of two to three therapists who seem qualified to help you with your unique issues, then feel free to call them to get a sense of their personality. A good therapist will be happy to speak with you to make sure your questions are answered and you feel comfortable moving forward.

If you are experiencing a mental health issue and would like to work with an LGBTQ + Affirmative therapist, please reach out to me. I offer telehealth sessions and am happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

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