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Ariel Sheeger

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How to Know You’re Dealing with a Narcissist

We all believe we know what narcissism looks like. After all, aren’t a majority of politicians and Hollywood A-listers narcissists, projecting their massive egos onto the world? 

While that may be true, narcissists come in all shapes and sizes. They walk among us, some of them obvious, and some of them covert. 

So how can you tell if you’re dealing with an actual narcissist or just someone who is a bit full of themself? Here are a handful of traits the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) lists as characteristics that someone is a narcissist:

A Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance

Narcissists see themselves as incredibly essential to the success and happiness of other people. In their eyes, they believe they are capable of exceptionally high levels of achievement, whether they are or aren’t in reality.

They are Special or Unique

Narcissists believe they are so special and unique that few people can really understand them. Many will only want to spend time around high-status people.

A Need for Admiration

We all can admit it feels good to be appreciated and admired. But narcissists have an absolute need for admiration and a lot of it. 

A Sense of Entitlement

Narcissists truly believe they are the exception to the rule. If there is a line of people waiting to be seated, a narcissist will cut that line because why should they of all people be forced to wait? If you’ve spent any amount of time around an actual narcissist, their entitlement can be shocking as it seems to know no bounds.

A Lack of Empathy

Narcissist simply cannot imagine how others feel. They are wired differently from non-narcissistic people. When you can’t empathize or feel what someone else is, it makes it incredibly easy to abuse those around you.

These are just some of the main traits of a narcissist. Needless to say, spending any amount of time in their presence can be a very toxic and taxing experience.

 

SOURCES:

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/14-signs-of-narcissism

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202110/the-13-traits-narcissist

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder

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The Powerful Benefits of Forgiveness

There is a very old saying that says, “Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.” This is a warning to people to not act out in anger or resentment because you only end up harming yourself. Over time, these feelings of resentment can build until the individual develops feelings of depression or anxiety.

While forgiving others who have hurt us isn’t always easy, in the end, it greatly benefits our mental health and overall well-being. To be clear, forgiving others does NOT mean you agree with or condor their poor behavior. And it doesn’t mean you are announcing that your feelings don’t matter. Forgiveness simply means letting go of the negative feelings that are holding you down and causing you prolonged distress.

Again, forgiving someone who has hurt you isn’t easy, but it will lead you to a sense of peace and joy. Here are some steps you can take to forgive others:

Process Your Pain

Have you really faced your pain and processed it? You’ll need to do this before you can let those feelings go. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings deeply and fully. Cry, yell, hit your pillow, do whatever it takes.

Forgive Yourself

It takes two to tango, as they say. While we can easily point to others and blame them for the breakup or ugly incident, the truth is, we were there also. We played some role. Even if it was to retaliate in the moment and to show our own ugliness. It’s time to forgive your own humanity and any wrongdoing to yourself or others.

Try to Understand

True forgiveness is impossible without a sense of understanding. You can try to forgive, claim you have forgiven, only to have those negative nagging feelings crop up again and again. When we try to understand why someone has acted the way they have, it can wipe out the negative feelings instantly, almost as if by magic. 

A critical parent acts the way they act because they, too, were the victim of a critical parent. An overbearing boss is dealing with a personal tragedy at home. Our cheating spouse is self-sabotaging his or her life because they have incredibly low self-esteem and do not feel they deserve happiness. Life is complicated and human beings are even more so. Try and understand why someone has hurt you. You will be amazed at what this magical A-ha moment can do for you.

And if you’d like to speak to someone and get some guidance and much-needed perspective, please reach out to me.

 

SOURCES:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/complicated-love/202006/the-healing-power-forgiveness

https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/the-power-of-forgiveness

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-benefits-of-forgiveness-3144954

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How Bipolar Disorder Can Affect Relationships

Bipolar disorder is a condition that affects an individual’s mood. While manageable, the condition not only affects how a person thinks and feels, but also how they behave and act in romantic relationships. For instance, individuals with bipolar disorder experience severe high and low moods, which are typically called manic and depressive episodes. While in these emotional states, their behavior can scare and confuse their partner.

The good news is, with the right treatment plan, many individuals with bipolar disorder can have healthy and satisfying relationships.

Manic vs Depressive Episodes

In order to understand how bipolar disorder can affect relationships, we need to look at how the two main episodes affect a person’s personality and behavior.

When someone is in a manic state, they are often very irritable. This may cause them to disagree with their partner, and sometimes cause them to look for fights that aren’t really there.

Manic episodes also cause sufferers to partake in risky behaviors, such as binge drinking or gambling sprees. These risky behaviors can cause a lot of tension in the relationship.

Depressive episodes tend to cause the person to become very depressed and less communicative. They may be very weepy and feel hopeless. During these episodes the individual may pull away from their partner. They may also seem so lost and sad their partner feels overwhelmed and unable to help them.

Tips for Healthy Relationships

There is no relationship on the planet that doesn’t require a lot of work and effort. A relationship with a bipolar individual is no different. The good news is, there are numerous ways to build a loving and strong relationship in this situation:

  • Learn about the condition – The more you know about bipolar disorder, the more you can understand what your partner is experiencing.
  • Know their triggers – Triggers can disrupt your loved one’s mood, sending them into either a manic or depressive episode. Asking about potential triggers will help you support your loved one.
  • Creating a support plan – A comprehensive plan will help you support your partner. Your plan can include things like useful contacts, activities to avoid, necessary adjustments to daily routine, etc.

Takeaway

If you’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, or if you are on the verge or diving into a relationship with someone who has, know that the condition does not mean you will be saddled with problems. But a healthy relationship will depend on effectively managing symptoms.

If you’d like to work with a licensed mental health therapist who specializes in working with individuals with bipolar disorder, please give my office a call. I’d be happy to discuss treatment plans and how I may be able to help you experience a profound and loving connection with others.

SOURCES:

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324380

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/mood-disorders/bipolar-relationships-what-to-expect

https://www.bipolarlife.org.au/how-can-bipolar-disorder-affect-relationships/

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Mismatched Desires – How Sex Therapy Can Help You Connect

Sex is a powerful way for two people to bond and feel true intimacy with one another. But what happens when one person in the relationship has less of a sex drive than the other person? Are they destined for relationship doom, or can they meet somewhere in the middle?

The answer is, plenty of couples suffer from this exact same scenario and many of them have found solutions by working with a sex therapist.

What is a Sex Therapist?

A sex therapist is a certified mental health professional who helps people suffering from sexual difficulties or dysfunction that are not a result of a physical issue. Sex therapists address underlying mental and emotional issues that may be causing the sexual problems you are dealing with. Common issues they help clients with are:

·      Low libido

·      Erectile dysfunction

·      Anxiety related to sex

·      An inability to orgasm or get aroused

·      Fear of sex

·      Mismatched sex drives in couples

·      And more…

What You Can Expect in a Sex Therapy Session

If you and your partner have mismatched sex drives and are considering seeing a sex therapist, you no doubt have a lot of questions. What will it be like? Will you feel awkward and embarrassed? Do you have to take your clothes off? (no to that last question BTW!)

The following are some things you can expect during a sex therapy session:

Many Questions!

In order for a trained therapist to help you with your problem, you and your partner will need to be pretty open about your sex life. A good therapist will make you comfortable and ease into the conversation. But be prepared to eventually open up and honestly answer questions.

Testing

Since a sex therapist is trained to tackle sexual issues from a mental and emotional angle, he or she may suggest you make an appointment with your doctors to have some bloodwork and other potential tests conducted. Oftentimes, sex drive issues can be a result of imbalanced hormones and other physical ailments.

Homework

Therapy is more effective when the couple continues to do the work at home in-between sessions. I often have my clients try specific exercises at home. This helps them and gives us a starting point at our next session.

The idea of sex therapy can be very intimidating but I assure you, it can be a gentle process that ultimately helps you and your partner get closer together. If you’d like to find out more, please get in touch with me.

SOURCES:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/insight-is-2020/201303/how-couples-can-cope-different-libidos-sexual-desire

https://smilemakerscollection.com/blog/pleasure-tips/partners-mismatched-libidos/

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-a-sex-therapist-5210416

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